Typewriter Blog, without the typewriter--editing's a snap!

Stop with the handshakes already. We're not monkeys or apes. We can do better than the primordial hand biting of chimps can't we? It's a silly thing and we can use our big people words to come up with an infinite number of greetings? Why? For one, I don't have a clue as to where your hands have been.

I wouldn't yank a cigar out of your mouth and puff on it, and I damn sure wouldn't wipe your butt for you, unless you were a tiny mothershead in diapers. But if your hands have been anywhere near your anus, and you "forgot" to wash your hands, and you smile and present your mitt to me as if I have some need to contact you, then I reckon that's close enough.

Besides, YOU don't know where my hand's been either! Rest assured, it was washed at poopy-shower-fun time in the morning, but since that magic moment, anything's possible. Most likely, I've laid a thin snot streak down my "pointer" finger at work since this time of year, someone's cut all my sleeves off to combat farmers' tan and I can't use them as snot rags. So think about that when you see me at JPLooneys.




The new thing n my life is of course, my Precious: The Nextel version of a Blackberry. I forgot the model number, but it's red, as in red hot! The only downside is that it doesn't do MORE! Sure it's great, two email accounts, video/still camera, chat, and sms and mms messages and web browser (sorta)--but it's not enough!

I want a phone that'll start my truck in the morning from an upstairs window! I want a phone that's a universal remote...for everything in the damn house! The TV's and DVD thingys, and all of it. I want a cell phone that's a fax machine and a scanner and a microscope and a rangefinder and a laser pointer and a radar/laser detector to dupe and duck the highway patrol everywhere.

Indeed, my Precious just doesn't do enough for me now. Maybe when my "no cost" Blacberry's two-year commitment is up, if it's still in one piece, Motorola will come up with something smaller and even more...useful for us old carpenters on the go! Maybe with a taser so I can feal safe in a high school again!


-rbm