I am not a doctor. I am just a simple carpenter. But:
If you have gas, fart.
If you have diarrhea, poop, lots, then fast a day.
If you're bloated, burp (or stop eating/drinking)
If you have heartburn, sit or stand up straight. Drink copious amounts of water and eat a biscuit.
If you have greasy hair, wash it more often.
If you have dry hair, don't wash it as often.
If you're itchy, scratch (lightly, with your wife's hairbrush).
If you can't sleep, make yourself tired during the day--exercise*.
If you're constipated, drink MORE water, eat MORE fresh, raw jalapenos, run a mile, wait four hours, get a good book, then go in there and do what you have to do.
If Tiger Woods' personal life makes you sick, then turn your TV off.
If you can't get out of bed in the morning, then hit the sack earlier.
*of course i don't mean walk the dog around the block...i mean sweat or at least make your heart pound.
Well, that's it for now. Next week I'll tackle PMS and erectile dysfunction...and how they often coincide.
-rbm
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