I've seen some things, I have.
I've seen things that shock and surprise and befuddle and make me shake my head even though I should know better and shouldn't be phased by the happiness (as a jealous prick) or maliciousness (as an innocent bystander) of others.
I try to just bumble along my way.
I was eating lunch with a friend the other day, in a chicken place, and watched as two, very youngish patrons rose from their seats, gathered with their clique, and sauntered outside to the parking lot where they all walked away slowly while the two young men held hands.
As a child of the eighties I couldn't help but stare. Watching two young men enjoying the freedom of expression that in my day would have got them beat and ridiculed really just made me think how far we had come as a society...did I mention we were in Yanceyville, NC? Yanceyville!
Yes I stared...and smiled. I remembered a picture someone had posted on facebook of a bright red tee-shirt proclaiming, "Some people are gay, Get over it!" on a grinning Sir Ian McKellan. Yes I stared: here was freedom in a tiny hick town...
I was inordinately happy about the whole scene, like I am when I can order in a taqueria without any help, surrounded by black hair and brown skin...
Then I bumble on my way.
Now there are two horses I've seen that need someone's help. And of course, I've convinced myself that I can; that I can figure out a double-win for all involved.
When I see them on a half acre lot, with no shelter, just a parked stock trailer, I know that something isn't right. Driving by, I can see there's no grass left higher than a registered stubble because they've grazed it all off. I see they have hay, but it's the kind that's rolled up, for cattle, and it's dumped in the mud and left laying out for weeks.
I just don't get it. The horses are gaunt, ribs showing, hip bones jaunty, and I can't wrap my fucking brain around how this guy, whom I've met before, can just drive by them everyday, see them sucking wind like that, and not do more. So I will.
In a perfect world I could just walk up to the guy and ask if he needs some help. I bet I could get truckloads of people willing to lend a hand--whatever it would take to make the horses healthy, but crap like this never plays out like that. Instead, I'll be the asshole, the motherfucker who can't mind his own business.
We'll see.
So I bumble along trying get some happy and I see something that makes me smile and say the cliche, "We've come a long way, baby." then go to bed, wake up the next day and see how far we've yet to go.
Of course we can bumble along all day checking out the good and the bad (and the ugly I suppose)--Greensboro, NC getting MILLIONS of dollars for a Greenway (whatever the fuck that is) while food shelters beg on the same newscast for food donations because, if you'll remember, we're in the worst state of depression and unemployment since before, what, WWII, and their shelves are bare.
But I'm gonna stick to my TMZ, my thirty mile zone. I going to enjoy my view of freedom and young hand-holding "love." And I'm gonna save my starfish that're washed up and exposed at low tide and flick as many as I can back into the water before the sun kills 'em.
